AUTOMATISM

By William Markiewicz

In the five years of Vagabond's existence various temporal and intemporal topics have been discussed. When we live in troubled times, topics assail us, otherwise we depend on what we can draw from our brains. While we are constantly reminded of our physical limits, it's not so obvious with our mental side. Inevitably comes a moment to ask oneself: am I close to exhausting the ideas that interest me?

The yogi adepts don't have a similar problem as they believe in the virtue of noneness; 'meditation without meditation,' 'concentration without concentration' which is supposed to be the road toward Illumination. Perhaps I am on some parallel pathway when nothing catches my attention. Void is a lonely venture, one cannot communicate. So, I don't really plunge into the yogi's void, I rather observe my void.

What do you see when you observe the void? Looking at a mirror from the angle where it reflects nothing, we see what we expected; a polished empty surface. But if we direct similar regard inside our non-occupied brain, we perceive our existence at its most reduced expression. We 'see' that it's 'we' who observe this void and we feel uncomfortable because neither brain nor senses is conditioned to be fixed on the void. Newborn babies "escape" the void, they have a potential to be filled out, while the yogis try to confront and reorient themselves toward this original baby bliss. In my experience, and what happens probably with the majority of people, the unoccupied brain puts me in a sleepy or half-sleepy condition. When I lose my acuity to observe my consciousness I fall into a not-so-exciting, but, by its very existence, still fascinating universe of automatic thoughts.

Automatic thoughts in a half-asleep brain, or the visual and audial dreams in total sleep, are enigmatic because of their alien nature. There is nothing personal in our dreams or semi-dreams other than the interpretation that the psychoanalist proposes. If I hadn't dreamed my dream I would accept the same version from any other dreamer. I don't feel those indifferent-for-me visions to be my particular property; our dreams attach us to the common human herd. Dream is the symptom of our common condition, like respiration, digestion, blood circulation... Dreams come from outside like air we breath and are an output like a factory product. They form part of our visual collection like anything else that can be in reach of our vision. Sometimes they give us an important message. But even then it is a product which reveals to us nothing about its genesis. We consider our body our servant and our consciousness as something superior, more identified with ourselves. We attach particular attention to our psychic phenomena, but we may discover more about our psyche by keeping the same distance and the same taken-for-granted attitude that we have towards our body.

The above may explain why I have no response to the question I asked myself. I just take a wait and see attitude, hoping for the best.

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